The Fantasy Football league I started with some friends this year is named The 40 oz League. Being an anal-retentive Comissioner, I decided to go out and do some 40 oz research along with grabbing some .bmps and .jpegs off the web to stick in the league newsletter.
Five hours of Google searches later, and I doubt I've even scratched the surface. I will say this has been one of the most fun projects I've undertaken in quite some time. I found lots of great sites that gave me laughing fits and thought maybe I should pass them along.
But first (to quote Julie Chen): one thing I'll say is I'm really glad I went to a "keg school", so I wasn't exposed to 40's. I would have been all over the "Edward 40 Hands" drinking game which would have resulted in lots of bad situations both because I have the drinking bladder of a walnut and because my stomach could never handle all that malt liquor without it coming back up.
Edward 40 Hands is a game where the players hold a 40 oz bottle in each hand, and then duct tape is wrapped around the hands and bottle. You cannot use your hands until both 40's are gone. So anything that you need your hands for (taking a leak, for instance) would require assistance. An especially evil variation on the game: taking a leak is not allowed until both bottles are empty.
I would have tried that game without even thinking about it in college (heck, given the right timing, I'd try it now) and it would have resulted in many laughs at my expense, I'm sure.
Anyway, here are some links to sites that made me laugh:
Modern Drunkard Magazine (Slogan: "Say it Loud, Say it Plowed"):
http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/issues/03_03/03-03_forty_fury.htm
Be sure to check out the "Juicing on the Job" Essay found on the left margin way down at the bottom.
Here's a link to an essay about drinking in Star Trek. Funny as heck (and make sure to read the whole thing-- the Top Ten at the end is hilarious):
http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/issues/05_02/5_02_space%20winos.html
The JangleSquad, a group (about 6 guys did the majority of the drinkin'), who attempted to drink an average of one 40 oz a day for a year. I spent a lot of time in this site just because I found it so funny. A whole website devoted to a year-long contest:
http://www.geocities.com/janglesquad/
Here's the Billy Dee Williams Smooth Test. I scored 30 ot of 36-- I'm 5 bottles smooth.
http://bfcgroup.com/helluvatough/smoothtest.html
The Aug 7, 2006 entry ("Economies of 40s") is a riot.
"Most average beers contain 5% or less alcohol by volume. Light beers are even worse. They cut calories by reducing the alcohol content and carbs. This is super gay, if I want to taste the rainbow then I will eat skittles. I buy beer to get me drunk, not to watch my figure or for the taste."
http://www.highgrav.com/
Terms for "being drunk":
http://members.aol.com/Mira2112/maltliquor/terms.htm
The "Two Colt Challenge". A riotous 13 minute video where two men compete in an Edward 40 Hands challenge. Highlights: (roughly) 1 min-- see them wrap the hands; (roughly) 5 mins-- McGinty talks about bedding a milf; (roughly) 11 mins-- McGinty's words are used against him.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5106481631365687815&q="The+Two+Colt+Challenge"+playable:true
And the motherlode: the site that all the above was linked from: 40 oz malt liquor.com.
Here's the main page:
http://www.40ozmaltliquor.com/main.html
The Hilarious images (make sure you go down all the way for the parody images:
http://www.40ozmaltliquor.com/images.html
And one site I stumbled on that is awesome that doesn't have anything to do with drinking: P.S.-- I'm Awesome. Think The Onion told in the first person. You HAVE to check out the Apr 2, 2006 entry "I Have Enough Friends I Don't F***", the Apr 26, 2006 entry "You Drive Like a D*ckface", and the newest, "FFL Rejected Team Names". You don't have to know anything about football to enjoy these offensive team names (personal favs: Intelligent Design Can Lick My Balls, Abu Gahreb Hog Pile, and Uncle Bad Touch). I've read the FFL one four times, and tears come to my eyes each time.
http://www.psimawesome.com/dig-it.htm
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Friday, September 08, 2006
THE OFFICE webisodes
When I first heard about The Office webisodes that were going to be on nbc.com this summer, I have to say I wasn't happy. I like my television on a television, not on a little box on my computer screen. But at least the short episodes were free to anyone with an internet connection. And the characters featured were from the show itself (unlike the Prison Break mobisodes that were on the Best Buy DVD set).
I was lucky enough to catch the webisodes each week. I think that was a bonus over watching them all at once because each webisode had a beginning, middle, and end, so there was bound to be repetition if they were watched all at once.
The premise of the show is that the accountants (Oscar, Kevin, and Angela) discover the books are off by $3000. Because it has to be accounted for, they question their fellow employees (Meredith, Phyllis, Stanley, and Roy) in an attempt to discover who stole it.
The characters were all true to their television roots (Angela's cold, Kevin's a joker, Stanley just doesn't care, Meredith is thinking about booze), and that was nice to see. Dwight even makes an appearance in the final episode that reminded me of how much I missed him over the summer.
And we found out a minor revelation about Angela (and learn a possible reason why she dislikes Pam).
If you can't wait two weeks until a new Office episode airs, check out these ten three-minute webisodes at http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/video/nbc_off_web_101_20060712.shtml#video
(that's the link to the first webisode. You can also access these through nbc.com directly).
"Angela stinks.".
(You'll get it when you watch Webisode #6)
I was lucky enough to catch the webisodes each week. I think that was a bonus over watching them all at once because each webisode had a beginning, middle, and end, so there was bound to be repetition if they were watched all at once.
The premise of the show is that the accountants (Oscar, Kevin, and Angela) discover the books are off by $3000. Because it has to be accounted for, they question their fellow employees (Meredith, Phyllis, Stanley, and Roy) in an attempt to discover who stole it.
The characters were all true to their television roots (Angela's cold, Kevin's a joker, Stanley just doesn't care, Meredith is thinking about booze), and that was nice to see. Dwight even makes an appearance in the final episode that reminded me of how much I missed him over the summer.
And we found out a minor revelation about Angela (and learn a possible reason why she dislikes Pam).
If you can't wait two weeks until a new Office episode airs, check out these ten three-minute webisodes at http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/video/nbc_off_web_101_20060712.shtml#video
(that's the link to the first webisode. You can also access these through nbc.com directly).
"Angela stinks.".
(You'll get it when you watch Webisode #6)
Happy 40th ST:TOS
Just a quick one to acknowledge Star Trek's 40th aniversary.
I'm not a Trekker (or Trekkie), but I have watched most of the shows (having only missed the middle years of Deep Space Nine and Voyager), and it's quite an accomplishment that a show that struggled on the network for three years before finally being cancelled is even remembered 40 years later.
It was definitely ahead of its time-- and yet a product of its time.
I admit I had a hard time watching the original series when it got the big push a few years ago on the SciFi Channel because some of the effects and acting were so retro, but the crux of it is very solid.
Now that the show has been "remastered" with updated effects, this may the time to check it out again.
Even if you don't like science fiction, there are things for you in all incarnations of the franchise (I highly recommend Star Trek: The Next Generation as I've found it to be one of the best written and plotted shows on television-- ever).
That's it. Live long and prosper, Trek.
I'm not a Trekker (or Trekkie), but I have watched most of the shows (having only missed the middle years of Deep Space Nine and Voyager), and it's quite an accomplishment that a show that struggled on the network for three years before finally being cancelled is even remembered 40 years later.
It was definitely ahead of its time-- and yet a product of its time.
I admit I had a hard time watching the original series when it got the big push a few years ago on the SciFi Channel because some of the effects and acting were so retro, but the crux of it is very solid.
Now that the show has been "remastered" with updated effects, this may the time to check it out again.
Even if you don't like science fiction, there are things for you in all incarnations of the franchise (I highly recommend Star Trek: The Next Generation as I've found it to be one of the best written and plotted shows on television-- ever).
That's it. Live long and prosper, Trek.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Let's all Raise our Glasses...
I read some news the other day that warmed my heart: L. Brent Bozell, founder and president of the Parent Television Council is going to step down as president of the watchdog group.
I have no real issue with watchdog groups, but the PTC has such a history of outright bullsh** that I have to take my shots.
The PTC, which is tied to the Media Research Center (a group that loves to perpetuate the "liberal media bias" lie-- and just so happens to be a powerful lobbying organization that just must just love our current anti-freedom public servants in D.C.), likes to tout that they are trying to clean up television "for the families". Of course, they just can't get in their heads that maybe parents could do some of their own policing.
Anyway, they've got good intentions (on the surface-- it doesn't take much digging to find their flaws), but their techniques and campaigns have been a little skewed at times.
Like when they they had to cough up $3.5 million to Vince McMahon and World Wrestling Entertainment for claiming that the WWE was responsible for four children's deaths (supposedly, the killer kids were copying wrestling moves on their victims). That was a lie. They also used WWE footage in their campaign. Oooo-- that's copyright infringement. And they also claimed they persuaded a number of WWE Smackdown! advertisers to stop running ads on the program. The only thing-- the advertisers never ran ads on the show. All of Bozell's lies were heavily reported on by the "liberal" media, but his apology to the WWE didn't get much press. Go figure...
Or their campaign to get Without a Trace busted for showing a teen orgy (well, at least as much as major network CBS could show, which we all know ain't much). Only: no one complained until after the PTC website showed the footage. That's right: no viewers complained when it aired. Complaints were filed by people who saw the clip on the PTC website and then filled out a form letter and turned it in to the inept FCC (don't even get me started on those a-holes). And CBS got hit with a $3.3 million fine (thanks in part to Emperor Bush's signing of a bill that increased the maximum fine the FCC can lay out) that no viewers actually complained about.
In my research for my comments, I found that 99.8% of the complaints filed to the FCC are through the PTC. Flip the numbers: at most, two-tenths of a percent of all complaints filed are by people who watched the show being complained about. And the FCC buys it-- just look at that frickin' CBS fine.
Here's a link to an especially troubling report on the PTC as it pertains to the FCC: http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20041207-4442.html
I'll admit that as a parent, I'm well aware there's more on TV I don't want my kids to see than anything my parents had to worry about, but the thing is: I'm the parent. It's my job to police the television. We've all heard the phrase "If you don't like what you're watching, turn the channel." Pretty obvious. Heck, with the V-chip in TVs and cable boxes, you can't even get to the blocked channels/ratings without a password. Lazy parenting is what these PTC idiots are using to make their mark on television.
Maybe I'm different ("smart", to use a more precise word), but I think I can handle teaching my children what is and isn't appropriate along with policing content I don't want them exposed to in exchange for being able to watch Deadwood, The Shield, or Prison Break (the PTC website's "worst show of the week"-- woo hoo!).
Even though I'm sure Bozell will be replaced from the same type of UnAmerican fanatic he is, I think the PTC should use this leadership change to find a new target. This is a much more insidious threat than Rescue Me (a popular PTC show to rant about). I think they should go after shows like the last few years of Will & Grace, or shows like Joey, Rodney, Dane Cook's Tourgasm, Yes, Dear, or Conviction (the NBC version, not the BBC version).
Yes, the PTC's new campaign should be against horsecrap TV shows. They're so much more dangerous to society than hearing the F-Bomb or seeing a shooting because they serve no purpose other than being bland shows the PTC is probably okay with (except for the W&G gay thing-- because I'm guessing being gay is an affront to nature in their eyes. Just a guess.)
So let's all raise our glasses and make a toast to the man who gave the last 11 years of his life in an attempt to make the world the way he see fit. It consists of just two words. Two letters, to be more accurate:
F. U.!!!
I have no real issue with watchdog groups, but the PTC has such a history of outright bullsh** that I have to take my shots.
The PTC, which is tied to the Media Research Center (a group that loves to perpetuate the "liberal media bias" lie-- and just so happens to be a powerful lobbying organization that just must just love our current anti-freedom public servants in D.C.), likes to tout that they are trying to clean up television "for the families". Of course, they just can't get in their heads that maybe parents could do some of their own policing.
Anyway, they've got good intentions (on the surface-- it doesn't take much digging to find their flaws), but their techniques and campaigns have been a little skewed at times.
Like when they they had to cough up $3.5 million to Vince McMahon and World Wrestling Entertainment for claiming that the WWE was responsible for four children's deaths (supposedly, the killer kids were copying wrestling moves on their victims). That was a lie. They also used WWE footage in their campaign. Oooo-- that's copyright infringement. And they also claimed they persuaded a number of WWE Smackdown! advertisers to stop running ads on the program. The only thing-- the advertisers never ran ads on the show. All of Bozell's lies were heavily reported on by the "liberal" media, but his apology to the WWE didn't get much press. Go figure...
Or their campaign to get Without a Trace busted for showing a teen orgy (well, at least as much as major network CBS could show, which we all know ain't much). Only: no one complained until after the PTC website showed the footage. That's right: no viewers complained when it aired. Complaints were filed by people who saw the clip on the PTC website and then filled out a form letter and turned it in to the inept FCC (don't even get me started on those a-holes). And CBS got hit with a $3.3 million fine (thanks in part to Emperor Bush's signing of a bill that increased the maximum fine the FCC can lay out) that no viewers actually complained about.
In my research for my comments, I found that 99.8% of the complaints filed to the FCC are through the PTC. Flip the numbers: at most, two-tenths of a percent of all complaints filed are by people who watched the show being complained about. And the FCC buys it-- just look at that frickin' CBS fine.
Here's a link to an especially troubling report on the PTC as it pertains to the FCC: http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20041207-4442.html
I'll admit that as a parent, I'm well aware there's more on TV I don't want my kids to see than anything my parents had to worry about, but the thing is: I'm the parent. It's my job to police the television. We've all heard the phrase "If you don't like what you're watching, turn the channel." Pretty obvious. Heck, with the V-chip in TVs and cable boxes, you can't even get to the blocked channels/ratings without a password. Lazy parenting is what these PTC idiots are using to make their mark on television.
Maybe I'm different ("smart", to use a more precise word), but I think I can handle teaching my children what is and isn't appropriate along with policing content I don't want them exposed to in exchange for being able to watch Deadwood, The Shield, or Prison Break (the PTC website's "worst show of the week"-- woo hoo!).
Even though I'm sure Bozell will be replaced from the same type of UnAmerican fanatic he is, I think the PTC should use this leadership change to find a new target. This is a much more insidious threat than Rescue Me (a popular PTC show to rant about). I think they should go after shows like the last few years of Will & Grace, or shows like Joey, Rodney, Dane Cook's Tourgasm, Yes, Dear, or Conviction (the NBC version, not the BBC version).
Yes, the PTC's new campaign should be against horsecrap TV shows. They're so much more dangerous to society than hearing the F-Bomb or seeing a shooting because they serve no purpose other than being bland shows the PTC is probably okay with (except for the W&G gay thing-- because I'm guessing being gay is an affront to nature in their eyes. Just a guess.)
So let's all raise our glasses and make a toast to the man who gave the last 11 years of his life in an attempt to make the world the way he see fit. It consists of just two words. Two letters, to be more accurate:
F. U.!!!
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Sorry for the delay
What a week last week. Had two Fantasy Football Drafts, was out and about a lot, got my rear kicked at work (bad, bad week to have my job) and just couldn't get on the computer as much as I wanted to.
It'll probably be a short one this time, too.
Premieres I'm already too late on:
House and Standoff started tonight. Sorry you missed them.
Also, MyNetworkTV began its run of Fashion House and Desire tonight. The network is taking a Spanish telenovela approach by airing episodes of each show every night during the week with a recap episode on the weekend for a few months. The shows have a definite ending after their runs, which is cool. But I haven't heard a single good thing about the offerings MyNetworkTV is giving us, so I shied away from it (I don't have any idea what channel is carrying it in my area if that tells you anything).
Nip/Tuck Season Four started as well-- but FX usually repeats the heck out of their shows, so you can still catch it later this week.
The Dane Cook: Vicious Circle special debuted on HBO last night. I would expect it to be replayed dozens of times on the five or so HBO channels in the next month. His Tourgasm summer series was pretty disappointing, but I think Vicious Circle is supposed to be more of a concert show.
Thursday on FOX has the debuts of 'Til Death and Happy Hour. Don't get your hopes up for either (see my previous post about the pilots), but they are new when everything else is repeating right now. 'Til Death has potential, Happy Hour should be canned soon.
FOX Sunday kicks off with new Simpsons (with Metallica), American Dad, Family Guy, and The War at Home. (I'll be watching three of them; guess which ones). Remember, there's football on before these shows, so they could run over their times (those of you taping/DVRing them).
HBO begins the fourth series of The Wire Sunday night. I haven't watched it yet, but I heard it's a fantastic show. Guess I'll have to try to get the previous seasons on DVD from the library.
And the TV Guide Channel is airing preview shows dedicated to all the networks starting next Monday night. I'm sure it'll mostly be crap, but you may get some good looks at what's to come.
My Fall Preview issue of TV Guide came in the mail today. Sweet Jesus-- they give the scoop on 92 new shows! Yeah, I won't be catching them all.
Because I hadn't mentioned it before: I was shocked to hear the news that Star Trek (The Original Series) got a Lucas-esque makeover with updated special effects and music. It hits syndication on September 16. I'm looking forward to seeing the "remastered" episodes (even though I'm a purist at heart, I just had a hard time getting into the series when I finally watched all the eps in the late '90s), but since the shows aren't airing in any logical order, I'm sure I'll be a little peeved (I'm anal retentive that way).
I flipped through the channels a little this weekend and caught the infamous Flava of Love scene when a chick drops a duece on the floor. I missed how or why she did it, but she did it. Crapped right on the floor! Classy bunch of ladies he had to pick from...
I also watched the first two eps of Who Wants to be a SuperHero? which is a show I was expecting to hate but didn't. Stan Lee is a little (okay a lot) cheesy, but the guy knows his sh** and deserves respect for his contributions to the industry. The contestants were hokey, but they weren't made fun of (something I was afraid of-- thankfully little of the casting sessions were aired). And it was really fake about making one of the contestants a super-villain, but I'll give it a pass on that.
The show really tries to get to the crux of what makes a hero, and I don't think that's a bad thing when the word "hero" was all the rage when 9/11 occurred but the context wasn't always used correctly (yes, fire fighters, paramedics, police officers, and volunteers who risked life and limb in the disaster are all heroes, but when people not directly affected by the events who showed up for work the next day are being called heroes, I've gotta draw the line...). The show wasn't to see who had the best costume or "powers", but was to show how the average person can have heroic qualities by their actions. It's cheesy, but no one pinched a loaf on the floor, so it's got a leg up on other shows.
I enjoyed the last two episodes of Prison Break and am liking the direction the show's going in-- and I, like last year, am already trying to put the pieces together for future episodes (like Sucre heading to Las Vegas, which is between Utah and Mexico-- think maybe he'll bump into Linc and Michael? I think so).
Next week's ep looks intense: Abruzzi's back, T-Bag gets picked up by a car, and Tweener may be found out. Two weeks from now, Mahone may apprehend his first escapee (if what I read in TV Guide is telling the whole truth).
And, finally, I just want to acknowledge the passing of "Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin. I didn't watch his show, but I'd seen him on late night shows and a Wiggles DVD, and it's a horrible shame that he died so young. He is a person who genuinely loved nature and its inhabitants as well as life, and the world is worse off for having lost him.
It'll probably be a short one this time, too.
Premieres I'm already too late on:
House and Standoff started tonight. Sorry you missed them.
Also, MyNetworkTV began its run of Fashion House and Desire tonight. The network is taking a Spanish telenovela approach by airing episodes of each show every night during the week with a recap episode on the weekend for a few months. The shows have a definite ending after their runs, which is cool. But I haven't heard a single good thing about the offerings MyNetworkTV is giving us, so I shied away from it (I don't have any idea what channel is carrying it in my area if that tells you anything).
Nip/Tuck Season Four started as well-- but FX usually repeats the heck out of their shows, so you can still catch it later this week.
The Dane Cook: Vicious Circle special debuted on HBO last night. I would expect it to be replayed dozens of times on the five or so HBO channels in the next month. His Tourgasm summer series was pretty disappointing, but I think Vicious Circle is supposed to be more of a concert show.
Thursday on FOX has the debuts of 'Til Death and Happy Hour. Don't get your hopes up for either (see my previous post about the pilots), but they are new when everything else is repeating right now. 'Til Death has potential, Happy Hour should be canned soon.
FOX Sunday kicks off with new Simpsons (with Metallica), American Dad, Family Guy, and The War at Home. (I'll be watching three of them; guess which ones). Remember, there's football on before these shows, so they could run over their times (those of you taping/DVRing them).
HBO begins the fourth series of The Wire Sunday night. I haven't watched it yet, but I heard it's a fantastic show. Guess I'll have to try to get the previous seasons on DVD from the library.
And the TV Guide Channel is airing preview shows dedicated to all the networks starting next Monday night. I'm sure it'll mostly be crap, but you may get some good looks at what's to come.
My Fall Preview issue of TV Guide came in the mail today. Sweet Jesus-- they give the scoop on 92 new shows! Yeah, I won't be catching them all.
Because I hadn't mentioned it before: I was shocked to hear the news that Star Trek (The Original Series) got a Lucas-esque makeover with updated special effects and music. It hits syndication on September 16. I'm looking forward to seeing the "remastered" episodes (even though I'm a purist at heart, I just had a hard time getting into the series when I finally watched all the eps in the late '90s), but since the shows aren't airing in any logical order, I'm sure I'll be a little peeved (I'm anal retentive that way).
I flipped through the channels a little this weekend and caught the infamous Flava of Love scene when a chick drops a duece on the floor. I missed how or why she did it, but she did it. Crapped right on the floor! Classy bunch of ladies he had to pick from...
I also watched the first two eps of Who Wants to be a SuperHero? which is a show I was expecting to hate but didn't. Stan Lee is a little (okay a lot) cheesy, but the guy knows his sh** and deserves respect for his contributions to the industry. The contestants were hokey, but they weren't made fun of (something I was afraid of-- thankfully little of the casting sessions were aired). And it was really fake about making one of the contestants a super-villain, but I'll give it a pass on that.
The show really tries to get to the crux of what makes a hero, and I don't think that's a bad thing when the word "hero" was all the rage when 9/11 occurred but the context wasn't always used correctly (yes, fire fighters, paramedics, police officers, and volunteers who risked life and limb in the disaster are all heroes, but when people not directly affected by the events who showed up for work the next day are being called heroes, I've gotta draw the line...). The show wasn't to see who had the best costume or "powers", but was to show how the average person can have heroic qualities by their actions. It's cheesy, but no one pinched a loaf on the floor, so it's got a leg up on other shows.
I enjoyed the last two episodes of Prison Break and am liking the direction the show's going in-- and I, like last year, am already trying to put the pieces together for future episodes (like Sucre heading to Las Vegas, which is between Utah and Mexico-- think maybe he'll bump into Linc and Michael? I think so).
Next week's ep looks intense: Abruzzi's back, T-Bag gets picked up by a car, and Tweener may be found out. Two weeks from now, Mahone may apprehend his first escapee (if what I read in TV Guide is telling the whole truth).
And, finally, I just want to acknowledge the passing of "Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin. I didn't watch his show, but I'd seen him on late night shows and a Wiggles DVD, and it's a horrible shame that he died so young. He is a person who genuinely loved nature and its inhabitants as well as life, and the world is worse off for having lost him.
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