kill me...

Television Premieres and Notables: August 4-10, 2014

Monday, 8/4

Bachelor in Paradise; ABC. 7 pm CST. Series Premiere.
Because ABC hasn't milked that property dry quite yet...

Partners; FX. 8 pm CST. Series Premiere.
Kelsey Grammer and Martin Lawrence star as two lawyers starting their own firm.

Eating America with Anthony Anderson; Food. 8 pm CST. Series Premiere.

The Awesomes; Hulu. 2nd Season Premiere.


Tuesday, 8/5

Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Atlanta Falcons; HBO. 9 pm CST. Season Premiere.


Wednesday, 8/6

Top Chef Duels; Bravo. 9 pm CST. Series Premiere.


Thursday, 8/7

Extreme Guide to Parenting; Bravo. 8:30 pm CST. Series Premiere.
Because The Soup needed a new show to make fun of weekly...
I also fully expect the network morning shows, MSNBC, and Fox News to give their thoughts on the extreme parenting this show is going to reveal.

Garfunkel and Oates; IFC. 9 pm CST. Series Premiere.
The YouTube favorites get their own song and comedy show.

Black Jesus; adult swim. 10 pm CST. Series Premiere.
Boondock's Aaron McGruder brings us this series about Jesus in contemporary Compton.
I'm going to guess if you don't have a sense of humor about religion, you may not want to tune in...


Friday, 8/8

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team; CMT. 8 pm CST. 9th Season Premiere.

The Knick; Cinemax. 9 pm CST. Series Premiere.
Steven Soderbergh directs the pilot of this series about a drug-addicted surgeon in 1900 (starring Clive Owen).

Jonah From Tonga; HBO. 9 pm CST. Series Premiere.
A second gem from Summer Heights High gets his own show.
This time, it's the foul-mouthed breakdancing hoodlum, played again by creator Chris Lilley.


Saturday, 8/9

Flipping Boston; A&E. 10 am CST. 4th Season Premiere.

Flipping Vegas; A&E. 11 am CST. 5th Season Premiere.

Outlander; Starz. 8 pm CST. Series Premiere.
Ronald D. Moore brings Diana Gabaldon's time travel book series to TV.


Sunday, 8/10

Fat Guys in the Woods; Weather. 9 pm CST. Series Premiere.
Survival expert Creek Stewart takes some fat men out into the woods and shows them how to survive.

L'il Doctor and Cap'n Jack-- w/Captain Jack himself!

Television Premieres and Notables: July 28-August 2, 2014

Monday, 7/28

Running Wild With Bear Grylls; NBC. 7 pm CST. Series Debut.

Mystery Diners; Food Network. 9 pm CST. 7th Season Premiere.


Tuesday, 7/29

Dance Moms; Lifetime. 8 pm CST. Season Premiere.


Wednesday, 7/30

Penn & Teller: Fool Us; CW. 7 pm CST. Series Premiere.
Magicians try to fool the master illusionists.

Sharknado 2: The Second One; Syfy. 8 pm CST. Movie
Ian Ziering is back-- with a big, goddamn chainsaw...


Thursday, 7/31

The Quest; ABC. 7 pm CST. Series Premiere.
Fantasy enthusiasts compete in medieval-timey contests.

The Honourable Woman; Sundance. 9 pm CST. Series Premiere.


Friday, 8/1

Go see Guardians of the Galaxy in theatres and then come home and watch the Tube...

Redwood Kings; Animal Planet. 8 pm CST. Series Premiere.
Twin brothers make wood artwork.


Saturday, 8/2

Hell on Wheels; AMC. 8 pm CST. 4th Season Premiere.
I think this show really hit a high point last season, so I'm in with both feet.
Lead actor Anson Mount is also worth the price of admission. One of the best working in TV right now.


Sunday, 8/3

Halt and Catch Fire (AMC; 9 pm CST). Season Finale.

This one had me crying with laughter