40 oz of Fun

The Fantasy Football league I started with some friends this year is named The 40 oz League. Being an anal-retentive Comissioner, I decided to go out and do some 40 oz research along with grabbing some .bmps and .jpegs off the web to stick in the league newsletter.

Five hours of Google searches later, and I doubt I've even scratched the surface. I will say this has been one of the most fun projects I've undertaken in quite some time. I found lots of great sites that gave me laughing fits and thought maybe I should pass them along.

But first (to quote Julie Chen): one thing I'll say is I'm really glad I went to a "keg school", so I wasn't exposed to 40's. I would have been all over the "Edward 40 Hands" drinking game which would have resulted in lots of bad situations both because I have the drinking bladder of a walnut and because my stomach could never handle all that malt liquor without it coming back up.

Edward 40 Hands is a game where the players hold a 40 oz bottle in each hand, and then duct tape is wrapped around the hands and bottle. You cannot use your hands until both 40's are gone. So anything that you need your hands for (taking a leak, for instance) would require assistance. An especially evil variation on the game: taking a leak is not allowed until both bottles are empty.

I would have tried that game without even thinking about it in college (heck, given the right timing, I'd try it now) and it would have resulted in many laughs at my expense, I'm sure.

Anyway, here are some links to sites that made me laugh:

Modern Drunkard Magazine (Slogan: "Say it Loud, Say it Plowed"):
http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/issues/03_03/03-03_forty_fury.htm
Be sure to check out the "Juicing on the Job" Essay found on the left margin way down at the bottom.

Here's a link to an essay about drinking in Star Trek. Funny as heck (and make sure to read the whole thing-- the Top Ten at the end is hilarious):
http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/issues/05_02/5_02_space%20winos.html

The JangleSquad, a group (about 6 guys did the majority of the drinkin'), who attempted to drink an average of one 40 oz a day for a year. I spent a lot of time in this site just because I found it so funny. A whole website devoted to a year-long contest:
http://www.geocities.com/janglesquad/

Here's the Billy Dee Williams Smooth Test. I scored 30 ot of 36-- I'm 5 bottles smooth.
http://bfcgroup.com/helluvatough/smoothtest.html

The Aug 7, 2006 entry ("Economies of 40s") is a riot.
"Most average beers contain 5% or less alcohol by volume. Light beers are even worse. They cut calories by reducing the alcohol content and carbs. This is super gay, if I want to taste the rainbow then I will eat skittles. I buy beer to get me drunk, not to watch my figure or for the taste."
http://www.highgrav.com/

Terms for "being drunk":
http://members.aol.com/Mira2112/maltliquor/terms.htm

The "Two Colt Challenge". A riotous 13 minute video where two men compete in an Edward 40 Hands challenge. Highlights: (roughly) 1 min-- see them wrap the hands; (roughly) 5 mins-- McGinty talks about bedding a milf; (roughly) 11 mins-- McGinty's words are used against him.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5106481631365687815&q="The+Two+Colt+Challenge"+playable:true

And the motherlode: the site that all the above was linked from: 40 oz malt liquor.com.
Here's the main page:
http://www.40ozmaltliquor.com/main.html
The Hilarious images (make sure you go down all the way for the parody images:
http://www.40ozmaltliquor.com/images.html

And one site I stumbled on that is awesome that doesn't have anything to do with drinking: P.S.-- I'm Awesome. Think The Onion told in the first person. You HAVE to check out the Apr 2, 2006 entry "I Have Enough Friends I Don't F***", the Apr 26, 2006 entry "You Drive Like a D*ckface", and the newest, "FFL Rejected Team Names". You don't have to know anything about football to enjoy these offensive team names (personal favs: Intelligent Design Can Lick My Balls, Abu Gahreb Hog Pile, and Uncle Bad Touch). I've read the FFL one four times, and tears come to my eyes each time.
http://www.psimawesome.com/dig-it.htm