Saturday, August 04, 2007

SW "Sacrifice"-- Spoilers

This blog-thing is tough to wrap my head around sometimes. I wrote the non-spoiler version of events first, but have to post that one second, so no one reads the spoilers in this one by accident.

Okay, Star Wars: Legacy of the Force: Sacrifice is being written about here. Not in any great detail, but with definite spoilers. So, if you don't want it ruined-- and trust me, if you have any inkling you'd like to read this book, then you do not want the plot ruined-- then stop reading.

Seriously.

Spoilers coming.


And here they are:



Jacen Solo is the head of the Galactic Alliance Guard, which has been likened to the Empire (and Jacen has been likened to his grandfather Darth Vader of late as well), and he is using his GAG power to further his goals to become ruler of the galaxy by setting up assassinations as well as working inside the government to find loopholes for him to gain power. In the first few books of the series, he really did believe he could peacefully rule the galaxy, so it was in the galaxy's best interests to have him be the supreme ruler. Lately, though, he hasn't been thinking that way; it's all about power-- and protecting himself and his loved ones (namely his lover and their child).

He has also sent his (unofficial) apprentice Ben Skywalker on a number of dangerous missions to test his mettle as his Sith apprentice (unbeknownst to Ben). Lumiya has been telling him he needs to make a sacrifice of the thing he loves most, and if it's not his parents or his lover (Tenel Ka) and child (Allana), it must be Ben, who has still not wavered in his belief that Jacen's methods are the right ones. In Sacrifice, Jacen sends the fourteen year-old Ben to assassinate the leader of the Correllian people, which he does, and causes Ben to lose a good friend during the mission.

Meanwhile, Jacen has a warrant out for his parents' arrest for the death of Thracken Sal-Solo. He had the chance to capture them, but choose to fire at them instead, badly damaging the Millenium Falcon. He later abandoned them as the space station they were all aboard was coming apart; basically leaving them to die. There was very little Han and Leia in Sacrifice (the events mentioned here are from previous books, namely Exile), but it shows how far Jacen has gone.


As for the Skywalkers, Jacen has taken Ben under his wing in the hopes that Ben will be his Sith apprentice. But Lumiya has been trying to steer him away from Ben, so Jacen and Lumiya (through Jacen) have been sending Ben out on missions with the secondary design that he may not come back. Luke and Mara haven't been fond of Jacen's actions, and they know Lumiya has been hanging around the GAG-- but they think Jacen is just being influnced by others in GAG that Lumiya has gotten to, not that Jacen and her have a relationship already. Luke has been hesitant to confront Jacen for his actions because he doesn't know how far he's gone to the Dark Side and thinks Jacen can pull himself back (just as Luke, Mara, Jaina, et al have done). Mara has defended Jacen because he helped Ben come to grips with the Force so much in the past. But both parents wish Ben had less to do with Jacen.


Boba Fett, now the Mandalore of his people, has been dying. In Sacrifice, he found a cure for his condition. And the Mandalorians have found a lost deposit of Beskar, an ore that can create nearly invulnerable armor, so their stock in the galaxy has just gone up. The Mandalorians are already at work creating a powerful starfighter fleet to protect themselves from the threat of Jacen Solo and the Galactic Alliance when Keldabe and the Madalorians stand against them.


On a more personal note, when Boba was dying, he felt the need to reach out to his daughter and granddaughter. But his reconciliation with his daughter, Ailyn, was cut short when Jacen tortured and killed her during an investigation. Now Fett and his granddaughter, Mirta, are getting to know each other while Boba bides his time before going after Jacen. Fett knows what the Dark Side looks like due to his relationship with Vader, and he knows Jacen has chosen that path. But he wants the galaxy to suffer a bit because it has allowed Jacen to get as far as he has, so he hasn't begun hunting him yet.


At the end of Sacrifice, Mara Jade Skywalker confronts Jacen, and they have a battle. Mara had the upper hand until Jacen "cheated" and poisoned her. Mara's last words were that Ben would never fall to Jacen. Lumiya took the blame for Mara's death, and Luke killed her. Luke was broken up over Mara's death, but still didn't like killing Lumiya. He felt even worse when Ben told him he was with Lumiya when his mom died, so she couldn't have done it. Ben also found out that Jacen had been working with Lumiya and had sent Ben on missions to die. The Skywalkers don't have proof that Jacen killed Mara, but Mara elected not to join the Force when she died, leaving her body behind as evidence. It's only a matter of time before Jacen is found out.


But Jacen has been gaining power little by little and has now made himself Co-Head of the Galactic Alliance, one of the two most powerful people in the galaxy. But will it be enough? There are four books left in the series, and Jacen has gone as far as he can in secret. His murder of Mara led to the sacrifice he knew he had to make. Killing Mara will send Ben into a rage once it's found out that Jacen did it. Anger leads to the Dark Side. Jacen just set up Ben to be his apprentice and eventually his successor. He sacrificed the love and admiration Ben had for him. And he's all alone.

Let's trace the paths that lead to Jacen:

When the Correllians find out Jacen played a part in the damage to their powerful Centerpoint Station as well as the assassination of their Head of State, there will be a revolt.

When the populace of the Galactic Alliance figure out Jacen set all the conflict into motion-- and killed his own Jedi aunt-- there will be a revolt.

The Hapes Consotium has allowed Jacen to do his thing, but when his actions within the galaxy and to his parents-- along with the murder of Mara-- come to light, will even Jacen's lover and queen Tenel Ka forgive him?

And don't forget the politicians of each faction would benefit if Jacen was taken off the table.

Boba Fett has Jacen in his sights for killing his daughter, but has been hanging back until he found a cure for the deterioration of his body. Now that he has it, he's waiting back to make the GA pay for allowing Jacen such power. But sooner or later, Fett will make his move, and he will not stop until Jacen is underground.

Han has disowned Jacen for his actions; and Han will also put him down like a rabid dog once he pieces it all together.

Leia is not a fan of being a fugitive and being shot at by her son, and when she finds out about Mara, it's gonna hit the fan.

Jaina has been screwed with by Jacen. He stripped her of her GA rank. He nearly killed her when his ship nearly destroyed the Millenium Falcon. He killed her Master, Mara. Jaina is the "Sword of the Jedi", and while I don't know what that means, it sounds pretty badass. When she catches up to Jacen, I expect she'll do bad things to him.

The Jedi are starting to agree that Jacen is out of control, but they've held back because Luke has asked them to. When they find out Jacen has killed Mara-- as well as Nelani-- they may not stay in the background any longer.

Luke has known for quite a while that Jacen is following the path to the Dark Side, but has hoped he'd find his way back. When he finds out what Jacen has been doing to Ben, it'll get ugly. When he realizes Jacen killed Mara, it'll get destructive. Add to that the guilt Luke feels for killing Lumiya, thinking she killed Mara, and Jacen may not be able to hide. Jacen is stronger in the Force than Luke, but Luke has beaten the odds before.

Finally, Ben has proof that Jacen lied to him about Nelani's death and that he has been working with Lumiya. He also knows Jacen expected him to die a number of times on various missions Jacen sent him on. He knows Jacen is training to be a Sith. It will not take very long at all for him to piece together how his mother died. Ben knows Jacen needs to be stopped, but when the truth about Mara's death comes to light, Ben will take it upon himself to do it alone. Jacen may have more knowledge of the Force and the Dark Side, but Ben will have revenge on his mind, and that can be the deciding factor when it comes to the Dark Side.

Jacen has pretty much the galaxy against him, but he has completed his final task to become a Sith Lord. Sacrifice ended with Jacen declaring he was Darth Caedus.

Like I said before, I am really into this series, and I recommed it to anyone who is a fan of the of the Star Wars Universe. You may want to read it now because if the body count of fairly major Expanded Universe characters (Mara, Lumiya, Sal-Solo) keeps going up, there may not be much left. I really don't know how Jacen can survive the upcoming onslaught. I just hope they don't cop out and have him redeem himself like Vader did.

On thing I dislike about the series is the tendency to foreshadow major characters with the book covers. In Betrayal, Jacen was the one character on the cover. About half-way through the book, I realized Jacen was the one to do the major betrayal because of the cover (and what I had been reading), even though Jacen's big moment didn't come until the end. Once I figured out Mara was the cover feature of Sacrifice (Mara had to be in her 60s while the cover showed someone who looked to be in her 20s-- maybe Maybelline is really good in a galaxy far far away), I knew she was the sacrifice of the title.

Let's look at the cover again, shall we?


Maybe it was a misdirection to have Jaina on the cover, but Jaina may have had ten pages (and that's generous) in the whole book, so it has to be Mara.

A Game-Changing Saga in the SW Universe



I've written before about the Star Wars: Legacy of the Force book series and how it has really pulled me back into the Star Wars Universe, and the latest book, Sacrifice, keeps up the momentum.

As I've revealed before, Jedi Knight Jacen Solo had a mission that led him to Sith apprentice Lumiya (the former Shira Brie, who has a history with Luke). Lumiya convinced Jacen that he was destined to become the newest Sith Lord. Unlike his grandfather Anakin, Jacen has slowly learned the Sith ways in order to bring the galaxy together peacefully. Book by book, Jacen has come closer and closer to fulfilling his Dark destiny until, finally, he has to make the sacrifice every apprentice has to make to ascend to Darth status.

In Sacrifice, Jacen finally takes that final step. And I must really be out of the fanboy loop (although I was never really into the Star Wars internet groups) because I'm surprised I never heard who Jacen kills because I know old school fans are probably going apeshit about it.

But it did make for a great surprise (sorta-- but I won't give it away until I give the proper alert later).

The author of this fifth out of nine book series, Karen Traviss, along with her Legacy collaborators (Troy Denning and Aaron Allston) was given a lot of leeway to make this series as suspensful as possible. There haven't been deaths on the level of Chewbacca's in the New Jedi Order series, but what we've gotten so far have been what are called "game changing". The Star Wars Universe will not be the same once it's done.

What I especially like about the series is it's simple and self-contained. I read the first few new Star Wars books in the '90s as well as the first few years worth of comic books, but the time span between five to seven years after Return of the Jedi and the 40 years later that Legacy of the Force falls into is pretty much a unknown slate. I know The Solo and Skywalker kids have grown up, Luke created a new Jedi Order and married Mara Jade, Jacen was captured and was exposed to the Dark Side, Chewbacca died, and Boba Fett became Mandalore; but the details of all that are lost to me. The series is also very much in the "feel" of the movies. Most of the books I've read before were just too alien for me; they never really "felt" Star Wars to me.

So check out these books. It's a great ride.

And I'd be remiss in not mentioning the gorgeous book cover by Jason Felix. It's very rare that I just study a piece of art like that, but more than a few times I closed the book and looked at the cover. Truly stunning work. [I suppose it doesn't hurt that Mara looks to be modeled after Famke Janssen.]

Premieres and Notables August 6-12, 2007

Sorry for the lack of posts. Busy week that's going to move into a busy month.



I was hoping to do some upgrades or at least a post about the first anniversary of this blog, but reality will probably keep me from it.



So, anyway, tomorrow will mark the one year point on this thing. Thanks to those who've been here from the start as well as those I've picked up on the way. The four readers I know I have have all propped me up in the last twelve months, so know that I really appreciate it. I wish I could do more, but knowing you this keep me going.



Okay-- the big stuff: this week's premieres:





Monday, 8/6



One of last year's best guest stars, Johnny Galecki, reprises his role as Trouty on My Boys (TBS, 9 pm). His other appearances on the show were great, and I can only expect the same here.

Fat March; ABC. 8 pm CST. Series Premiere.
Twelve overweight people walk from Massachusetts to Washington D.C. in a competition. And in a reality show must, competitors are voted off along the way.


Bait Car; Court TV. 9 pm. Series Premiere.
Decked out cars with cameras and tracking devices lure car thieves-- and then bust them.

Mission: Man Band; VH1. 9 pm. Series Premiere.
I don't normally mention VH1 shows, but this is just too pathetic: former members of 98 Degrees, LFO, Color Me Bad, and 'N Sync come together to form a new singing group.

And the show I was most obsessed about last season, Frisky Dingo, airs its first (and so far only) season on [adult swim] at 11:15 pm (with a repeat of the night's episode at 2:15 am) every weeknight beginning tonight. I love this show-- but I recommend not giving up on it after the first episode. The second is where it takes off; where we meet Awesome X. Xander Crews is a total Bruce Wayne clone taken to 11. There is a great scene in the second ep (airing Tuesday) where Xander is having relations with a hooker and his girlfriend shows up that has the classic line "Shut up, Hooker!". It's only a thirteen episode season (each ep is eleven minutes), so it's not a huge commitment.


Tuesday, 8/7

Power of 10; CBS. 7 pm. Series Premiere.
Drew Carey hosts this game show that has increasing dollar amounts.

i-Caught; ABC. 9 pm. Series Premiere.
Six-part look at the booming video Internet craze and the effects it has on people.

LA Ink; TLC. 9 pm. Series Premiere.
Miami Ink's Kat Von D moves West and opens her own shop.


Wednesday, 8/8

Knights of Prosperity; ABC. 7:30 & 8:30. Burn-off.
ABC uses up two of the four episodes that never aired. The show was quirky, but it was really well done. Too bad it never caught on.

Cash Cab: After Dark; Discovery. 9 pm. Season Premiere.
It's Cash Cab-- at night.

Hard Knocks: Training Camp With the Kansas City Chiefs; HBO. 9 pm. Season Premiere.
A series looking at, well, the Chiefs' training camp. Done by the best in the business: HBO.

Hotel Babylon; BBC America. 8 pm. Series Premiere.
A London hotel helps guests live out their kinkiest fantasies. And it's on BBC America, so you know "kinky" is a prefect adjective.


Thursday, 8/9

Bounty Girls Miami; Court TV. 8 pm. Series Premiere.
Yet another bounty-hunter reality show. This one features four Miami women who do their thing.


Friday, 8/10

Meerkat Manor; Animal Planet. 7:30. Season Premiere.
The third season of this hot show premieres.

Survivorman; Discovery. 8 pm. Season Premiere.
Season two begins.

Flash Gordon; Sci Fi. 8 pm. Series Premiere.
The classic character gets modernized-- but retains a sense of fun (or "camp").

Going Tribal; Discovery. 9 pm. Season Premiere.
The third season begins.

Ty Murray's Celebrity Bull Riding Challenge; CMT. 8 pm. Series Premiere.
Vanilla Ice, Stephen Baldwin, and other "celebs" try their hand in bull riding.

[I can't believe I just wrote that... CMT has now made my "I will not waste anymore time mentioning their new shows" list. Sorry, readers; if you love this kind of stuff, check their website. I just can't do it anymore.]


Sunday, 8/12

Wedding Central; WE. 10 pm. Series Premiere.
Everything you could possibly want to know about "the big day". The pilot looks at-- wait for it--wedding cakes! I'm so there!

Robot Chicken; [adult swim]. 10:30. Season Premiere.
The third season of this stop-motion "toy" show begins. I can't recommend this show in large doses, but fifteen minutes at a time is good, so check out these new eps. Recommended.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

IRON MAN Armor Unveiled

The Iron Man "trailer" put together for the San Diego Comic Con this week got major buzz, so Marvel brought one of the armors (presumably the first in the movie) to the Con to show it off. Here's the link to the newsarama page with all the pictures, but here's a taste of it below:






And before you poo-poo it as looking like cobbled together crap, in the comic book (and we can assume the movie a well), Stark's first armor is cobbled together from whatever was available. Pics have "leaked out" as to what the "real" armor looks like, and it's much more technological-looking. See:





One last thing: props to director Jon Favreau for making physical armor (in at least some of the movie) instead of relying on (overdone) CGI.

Premieres and Notables July 30-August 5, 2007

Monday, 7/30

My Boys; TBS. 9 & 9:30 pm CST. Series Return.
Hey! A basic cable comedy that isn't pure crap! Actually, this is a pretty good (and funny) show. Jordana Spiro is a great lead, and the supporting actors (particularly the always funny Jim Gaffigan and one of my favorites: Kyle Howard) are very solid. Recommended.


Tuesday, 7/31

Flipping Out; Bravo. 9 pm. Series Premiere.
Yet another reality series about a real-estate investor. This time, though the investor is a little wild. I'm sure that's what makes it so essential to add to the already over saturated "flipping" genre.

Murder; Spike. 9 pm. Series Premiere.
Two teams of amateurs try to piece together the evidence to solve murders recreated from police files. I'm sure it'll be good; it's on Spike...


Wednesday, 8/1

The Nine returns to burn off the final episodes filmed but never aired (ABC, 9 pm). I liked the show (loved the pilot; one of the best I've ever watched), so I'll check it out.


Thursday, 8/2

Indie Sex; IFC. 11 pm. Series Premiere.
Four-part series that examines the debate over what's too graphic for film and television. I'm glad more and more people are asking this question (check out the DVD This Film is Not Yet Rated to get a look at the problem), and I'm pretty pissed I don't get this channel.


Friday, 8/3

Meerkat Manor Re-Cap Special; Animal Planet. 7:30. Special/recap.
This special recaps the past adventures of the meerkats before next week's season premiere. I checked out the series when it premiered and wasn't hooked (admittedly, I didn't give it a fair chance), but that just places me in the minority. I've heard nothing but rave reviews of this show. Might be worth checking out.


Saturday, 8/4

Fallen; ABC Family. 7 pm. Mini-series.
I don't fully understand this thing. I think a TV-movie about a half-man/half-angel was made last year that became successful enough to continue the story, and tonight and tomorrow have the last two parts? Best I can tell, the first movie airs tonight at 5; the new Part 2 at 7 tonight, and the new Part 3 tomorrow at 7.

Jekyll; BBC America. 7 pm. Series Premiere.
BBC America updates another classic. This time, a descendant of Dr. Jekyll must try to live a normal life despite his "other side".

Grand Slam; GSN. 6 pm. Series Premiere.
Dennis Miller hosts this quiz show, which pits 16 former game show winners against each other.

Masters of Science Fiction; ABC. 9 pm. Series Premiere.
Some of the best authors of science fiction have their stories receive the TV treatment in this anthology series, starring a number of TV actors.


Sunday, 8/5

Two IFC series begin their second seasons. The Business (10 pm) and The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman (10:30 pm).

The Company; TNT. 7 pm. Mini-series.
This six-hour mini-series (2 hrs each of the next three Sundays) adapts Robert Littell's novel about the rise of the CIA during the Cold War. It stars Chris O'Donnell, Alfred Molina, and Michael Keaton (I'm so there).

Taboo; National Geographic. 8 & 9 pm. Season premiere.
The second season begins for the show that looks at "odd" customs from around the world.

Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane; Style. 7 pm. Series Premiere.
Another reality series centered around a diva. When will this insanity end?

And my favorite thing I've watched all summer is repeating tonight: the "Turn the Other Cheek" episode of Moral Orel (from 11:15-11:30 on [adult swim]). It is riotous. I wrote about it before right here. (Go ahead and click the link-- I'll wait). So if that wasn't enough incentive-- tape, DVR, or just watch this episode!!!

And the Pro Football season begins with the Saints and the Steelers facing off in the Hall of Fame Game. Not that I care-- I am just reminding myself that I need to get my crap together for the upcoming Fantasy Season. I've got a title to defend, you know...

Friday, July 27, 2007

Press Tour 2007 Final Two Days-- ABC

Well, the press tour has wrapped with the final two days going to ABC. Here's what my "men on the inside" thought:

Ausiello Day 1.
Ausiello Day 2.

Roush Day 1.
Roush Day 2.

For some Lost news from the San Diego Comic Con, check out this.

Monday, July 23, 2007

FOX Press Tour Day 2

FOX wraps up its second day of the press tour. Here's what Michael Ausiello thought.

And Matt Roush talks about Terminator: The Sarah Connors Chronicles.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Get FRISKY

Just saw a commerical that the show I was most obsessed about last season (Frisky Dingo) is reairing again starting Sunday (7/29) from 11:00-11:15 on [adult swim] (you know, where Cartoon Network goes when it's dark out).



It's starting where it left off a few months ago. Sunday's ep is where the X-Tacles have to find a replacement kidnapp-ee for Xander.



I'll try to post some video clips to get you in the mood later this week. Until then, here's a clip I posted earlier called That's Not a Pickle.

Sunday's Press Tour

And the Press Tour resumes; today was FOX's first day. Here's what Michael Ausiello thought of it. And here's what Matt Roush thought of it.

The TCAs Get Right What the Emmy's Got Wrong

The EMMYs are the pinnacle of the television industry awards, but the system is flawed. It gets a lot right, but also gets a lot wrong.

The Television Critics Association (TCA) fares much better because the actual people who are paid to watch television list their nominees and winners They watch every episode of every show they enjoy (and probably a lot they don't), and, thus, get a better view of a seriesd as whole as opposed to the EMMY process of submitting a single episode for consideration.

Anyway, the TCA announced their yearly winners yesterday, and here is the press release.

And here is what Matt Roush had to say about the awards.

Premieres and Notables July 23- July 29

Monday, 7/23

Saving Grace; TNT. 9 pm CST. Series premiere.
Holly Hunter stars as a recklessly-living cop who sees an angel while on her cases. I've heard the show's supposed to be decent.

And if the laughs have been too few and far between this summer, my favorite show of last season, How I Met Your Mother, has two great repeats on CBS at 7 pm & 8:30. The first repeat finds Lily moving in with Barney, so they can poses as spouses to scare away his one-night-stands the next morning. Great moments in this episode. The second finds Marshal hitting the dating scene again.


Tuesday, 7/24

Damages; FX. 9 pm. Series Premiere.
There are two shows that critics have been saying are must-see this summer. The first began last week (Mad Men); the second is this Glenn Close-starring legal drama.


Wednesday, 7/25

Hot Ghetto Mess; BET. 9:30. Series Premiere.
BET is quickly gaining ground on CMT for number of new series that premiere every week, but this one about black pop culture stars The Chappelle Show's Charlie Murphy. If I had the channel, I'd tune in. The single bit he did on Chappelle about his "feud" with Rick James should go down in history as one of the funniest moments of television.

S.O.B. (Socially Offensive Behavior); BET. 9 pm. Series Premiere.
Punk'd with average people, hosted by D.L. Hughley (see what cancelling Studio 60 did to some people?).

My World; Golf. 9:30. Series Premiere.
This show answers the question on everyones' minds: what do pro golfers do with their time off the courses?


Thursday, 4/26

Who Wants to Be a Superhero?; Sci Fi. 8 pm. Season Premiere.
Season two of the reality contest begins. It's hokey, goofy, cornball-- but it has a lot of heart. If you're tired of people backstabbing, lying, and sleeping around to get ahead on reality shows, this one is for you. Get past the cheesiness and see that there are still people out there that honestly believe in truth, justice, and the American way.

Welcome to the Parker; Bravo. 10 pm. Series premiere.
Reality show about a high-class Palm Springs hotel.

Mind Control With Derren Brown; Sci Fi. 9 pm. Series Premiere.
A mentalist makes people do things they normally wouldn't. Okay... so Sci Fi gets it wrong more than it gets it right...

Dallas SWAT: A&E. 9 pm. Season Premiere.
The third season begins.


Sunday, 7/29

Design Star; HGTV. 8 pm. Season Premiere.

And on Entourage (HBO, 9 pm), Ari suffers one of his biggest humiliations in life when he has to enroll his son in a public school (the private school his daughter went to refused to allow his son to enroll-- because of Ari's behavior).

Friday, July 20, 2007

TCA Friday, 7/20

Today was CW day. Here's what Michael Ausiello and Matt Roush thought of it.

REAPER Preview

Here's what is sure to be my favorite show this upcoming season.

Other CW previews are at the link as well...

Odds and Ends

ABC is going to burn off the remaining episodes of The Nine in August. I'm happy. BTW: I finally watched the eps that aired, and I liked it. The pilot was one of the best I've seen.


Speaking of The Nine, former cast member Camille Guaty (who was also a Prison Break Maricruz) got cast in Las Vegas. I just may have to watch that show again...



Guaty's on the left.

The Bill Engvall Show's premiere was the third-highest rated basic cable sitcom telecast ever. Pray that it drops next week. That show is a turd-- even with Nancy Travis.

I picked up The Flash #13 where [spoiler alert], Bart gets killed by the Rogues. Kinda weird that the last issue I picked up was #1 when he became The Flash and the second I picked up, he gets killed. I didn't like the fact that DC made him The Flash a year ago (by aging him to an adult from a teenager during Infinite Crisis), and I also didn't like feeling that he was killed because sales of the book sucked. But the issue was pretty powerful-- even if I didn't understand everything going on. Bart sacrificed himself for personal as well as "world-saving" reasons, and that's about all a character can ask for in a death story. If there's any good that comes from it, it's that Mark Waid is back writing the newly repowered Wally West's Flash adventures.

I kinda wonder what's gonna happen to Tim "Robin" Drake. The kid loses his dad (killed by Captain Boomerang), friend/crush Spoiler (killed by Black Mask), best friend Connor/Superboy (killed by Superboy Prime) and now Bart (killed by The Rogues) all in the space of, maybe, 18 months of comic book time. Sounds like there is lots of potential for future Robin stories if DC plays its cards right. No way a teenager should brush off that kind of death surrounding him.

I may have to start picking up some titles again if my budget allows...

Thursday, July 19, 2007

The Emmy Noms

Here we go. Some ones who should have been there, some who shouldn't, and some missing.
[admittedly, I did some cut-and-pasting from Matt Webb Mitovich's post.

Included are my takes; I won't write anything if I didn't watch the show-- usually. And I'm not trying to dis the ones I wasn't thrilled about (except Two and a Half Men), but sometimes I think some are nominated for a single episode when the entirety of a season is more of what I'm commenting on (Emmy's are won and lost by single episodes entered, not the whole season).

Outstanding Drama Series:
Boston Legal I like the show... but outstanding drama? Not this season.
Grey's Anatomy
Heroes
House
The Sopranos

Outstanding Comedy Series:
Entourage Mandatory
The Office Yep
30 Rock Came on at the end of the season, but isn't ready yet
Two and a Half Men Didn't watch it again this season, but have heard it sucked as much as it did when I actually wasted time on it
Ugly Betty I wish there was a "dramedy" nomination, but I guess it fits here-- and it does deserve praise

Outstanding Reality Series:
The Amazing Race
American Idol
Dancing with the Stars
Project Runway
Top Chef

Outstanding Miniseries:
Broken Trail
Prime Suspect: The Final Act (Masterpiece Theatre)
The Starter Wife

Outstanding TV-movie:
Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee
Inside the Twin Towers
Longford
The Ron Clark Story
Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy

Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series:
The Colbert Report
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Late Show with David Letterman
Real Time with Bill Maher Absolutely.

Lead Actress in a Comedy Series:
America Ferrera (Ugly Betty) Yes
Tina Fey (30 Rock) Sorry; not yet
Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives) Her best work was dramatic-- but she did overcome bad storylines
Julia Louis-Dreyfus (The New Adventures of Old Christine) She's really underrated; her work on the drunk wedding episode was great
Mary-Louise Parker (Weeds)

Lead Actor in a Comedy Series:
Alec Baldwin (30 Rock) Yes-- but lead actor?
Steve Carell (The Office) Yes
Ricky Gervais (Extras) Perfect in Season Two
Tony Shalhoub (Monk)
Charlie Sheen (Two and a Half Men) Again: didn't see it, but-- REALLY???

Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series:
Jaime Pressly (My Name Is Earl) Inspired choice, and very deserving
Jenna Fischer (The Office) I feel like such a heel because I love her, but I'm not sure she had enough going on this season
Holland Taylor (Two and a Half Men)
Conchata Ferrell (Two and a Half Men)
Vanessa Williams (Ugly Betty) Deserving
Elizabeth Perkins (Weeds)

Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series:
Kevin Dillon (Entourage) Yes, yes, a million times yes
Jeremy Piven (Entourage) Has become an automatic selection
Jon Cryer (Two and a Half Men)
Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother) Not as prominent as last season, but had real growth
Rainn Wilson (The Office) I'll take him, but there may have been others

Guest Actress in a Comedy Series:
Dixie Carter (Desperate Housewives) Yep
Laurie Metcalf (Desperate Housewives) Absolutely-- deserves the win
Elaine Stritch (30 Rock) Sure
Judith Light (Ugly Betty) Okay
Salma Hayek (Ugly Betty) Absolutely

Guest Actor in a Comedy Series:
Martin Landau (Entourage) Brilliant. FANTASTIC performance.
Sir Ian McKellen (Extras) Great work
Stanley Tucci (Monk)
Giovanni Ribisi (My Name Is Earl) Just under Landau in this category
Beau Bridges (My Name Is Earl) Good work; not sure if ithere wasn't someone more deserving

Lead Actress in a Drama Series:
Patricia Arquette (Medium)
Minnie Driver (The Riches)
Edie Falco (The Sopranos)
Sally Field (Brothers & Sisters) The show was a little too "actorly" at times, but fully deserves the nom
Mariska Hargitay (Law & Order: SVU)
Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer)

Lead Actor in a Drama Series:
James Gandolfini (The Sopranos)
Hugh Laurie (House)
Denis Leary (Rescue Me)
James Spader (Boston Legal) Has done fine work before, but I think there could be someone better
Kiefer Sutherland (24)

Supporting Actress in a Drama Series:
Rachel Griffiths (Brothers & Sisters) Good work, but I'm not sure...
Katherine Heigl (Grey's Anatomy)
Chandra Wilson (Grey's Anatomy)
Sandra Oh (Grey's Anatomy)
Aida Turturro (The Sopranos)
Lorraine Bracco (The Sopranos)

Supporting Actor in a Drama Series:
William Shatner (Boston Legal) I love Shat, but he was better in previous seasons
Masi Oka (Heroes)
T.R. Knight (Grey's Anatomy)
Michael Emerson (Lost)
Terry O'Quinn (Lost)
Michael Imperioli (The Sopranos)

Guest Actress in a Drama Series:
Kate Burton (Grey’s Anatomy)
Elizabeth Reaser (Grey’s Anatomy)
Marcia Gay Harden (Law & Order: SVU)
Leslie Caron (Law & Order: SVU)
Jean Smart (24)

Guest Actor in a Drama Series:
Christian Clemenson (Boston Legal) Yes. Great work. Deserves the nom-- and the upgrade to full cast member for next season
Forest Whitaker (ER)
David Morse (House)
Tim Daly (The Sopranos)
John Goodman (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip) Had a great arc.
Eli Wallach (Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip) The storyline he was in featured great work

Lead Actress in a Miniseries or TV-movie:
Queen Latifah (Life Support)
Helen Mirren (Prime Suspect: The Final Act)
Mary-Louise Parker (The Robber Bride)
Debra Messing (The Starter Wife)
Gena Rowlands (What If God Were the Sun)

Lead Actor in a Miniseries or TV-movie:
Robert Duvall (Broken Trail)
Tom Selleck (Jesse Stone: Sea Change)
Jim Broadbent (Longford)
William H. Macy (Nightmares & Dreamscapes: From the Stories of Stephen King)
Matthew Perry (The Ron Clark Story)

Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or TV-movie:
Greta Scacchi (Broken Trail)
Anna Paquin (Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee)
Samantha Morton (Longford)
Judy Davis (The Starter Wife)
Toni Collette (Tsunami: The Aftermath)

Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or TV-movie:
Thomas Haden Church (Broken Trail)
August Schellenberg (Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee)
Aidan Quinn (Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee)
Edward Asner (The Christmas Card)
Joe Mantegna (The Starter Wife)


Here are Michael Ausiello's and Matt Roush's takes on the nominations.

Thursday TCA

Here's Michael Ausiello's Tour Diary for CBS Day 2.

Not much more from today because of the Emmy noms...

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

More TCA stuff

Michael Ausiello's Tuesday TCA Diary: NBC Day 2.

And his Wednesday (Part One) Diary-- with How I Met Your Mother scoop: CBS.

And here is the CBS premiere schedule. HIMYM has its season premiere on my birthday. Can't think of a better present than my favorite show of last season premiering that night.

Matt Roush had this to say about the Bionic Woman and Chuck presentations and this to say about CBS' bold new lineup.

And Matt said this about AMC's Mad Men that premieres tomorrow night (Thurs, 7/19). Very high praise. Don't miss the show.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Okay, Now THIS is Pretty Cool

Check out the opening minute of the Star Wars: The Force Unleashed videogame trailer for a cool sequence.

Okay, Now THIS One is Really Wrong

I dare you to read this without having a Santa Claus voice in your head.

Another ONION bit

And sometimes The Onion does a piece that is just so wrong, you've got to laugh.

Check out the quote that dad has about Davey's web browsing.

The link is right here.

Congress Uncool

Click here for a funny The Onion bit about how uncool Congress has gotten.

I don't read the Onion enough. I just love some of the writing, and "articles" like that remind me to check it out more often.

NBC Press Tour Diary

TV Guide's Michael Ausiello can be a little too fan-boy (for a professional) at times, but he does do a great tour diary. Here are what his reactions to the NBC Press Tour presentations from today were.

Gotta say I really like the changes NBC made to its schedule. They have a much stronger lineup on some nights.

In other news, Mandy Patinkin got the boot/isn't coming back to Criminal Minds. That'd be the second time he's gotten off-- while playing the lead character-- a show due to being a prima donna (the other one is Chicago Hope).

And TV Guide's Matt Roush had these things to say. His post contains the great line: "Hmmm, I’m getting a vision of myself changing the channel."

Sunday, July 15, 2007

I'm Gonna Show You My "Oh" Face...

Newsarama posted an early picture of the solicitation of Justice Society of America #10, which has a cover shot of the newest member of the team.



Looks like my favorite character from my favorite story of all-time is back after a decade: Superman from the Kingdom Come mini-series.
I stopped my comics subscriptions a year ago, but I HAVE to have this.
This, my dear readers, is what is known as a "geekgasm".

Van Halen Best Of

I know, I know. I threw down the Best Of Challenge here and then added a bit more at the end of this post but then have been silent the past six weeks.

Well, I was off doing homework. I pulled out all of my Van Halen tapes (for my car drive) and CDs and started listening. Some I haven't listened to in ten years, so I needed to get acquainted again.

The first thing I've gotta say is it's amazing how good this band is. The past decade has been filled with hard feelings, "dick moves" (usually by "Nice Guy" Edward), unfulfilled potential, stalled/abandoned reunions, nutty moves (dumping Mike for Wolfgang) and on and on. It's been really hard to remember that the music is what made me a fan. I guess the reason I and so many other people care about this band is because they are so good. They've played a big part of many peoples' lives. In fact, I'd rank them very near (or at) the top for influences on my life. Everyone needs something to latch onto when they're younger, and this band was something I latched onto.

Before I get to it, I thought I should tell the story of how I "got into" this band; mainly because it's pretty unusual. Back in 1987, at the tender age of 14, I watched Spaceballs in the theatre. There was this song that kinda drew my attention. I bought the Spaceballs Soundtrack not too long later and the song was on it: "Good Enough" by Van Halen.

Now I had heard of Van Halen; I mean, who hasn't? I'd heard much of their material as it's a staple of rock radio. But "Good Enough" was the right song at the right time for me; something clicked. I picked up 5150 (the album "Good Enough" was on) as well as Sammy Hagar's I Never Said Goodbye (the solo album he owed Geffen after he took the VH gig) and just fell right into obsession for the band.

Since then, I've accumulated nearly everything (legal) the band ever worked on as well as their singers (all of Hagar's stuff, almost all of Roth's, and almost all of Cherone's). And some of it was pretty costly (buying entire albums for just one song; paying $30 or more for import albums-- this is all before iTunes made it easier to complete a collection). For a time, I also picked up every magazine I could find that had a VH cover or article and still do buy them if there's enough new content (the "nice" thing about the band laying low the past ten years is there is a lot of repeat info in some of the magazines after all these years and thus, not necessary to pick up again).

Okay, okay, the Van Halen Best Of:

VH has put out two best of albums (Best Of Volume I and Best of Both Worlds), and I have to say they're pretty complete. I'd go with the 2-disc Best of Both Worlds as the one to buy as it really fills some holes that the 1-disc Volume I couldn't.

It contains (all are song titles-- I'm not "-ing them):


Eruption
It's About Time (new song w/Hagar)
Up For Breakfast (new song w/Hagar)
Learning to See (new song w/Hagar)
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
Finish What Ya Started
You Really Got Me
Dreams
Hot For Teacher
Poundcake
And the Cradle Will Rock...
Black and Blue
Jump
Top of the World
(Oh) Pretty Woman
Love Walks In
Beautiful Girls
Can't Stop Lovin' You
Unchained

Panama
Best of Both Worlds
Jamie's Cryin'
Runaround
I'll Wait
Why Can't This Be Love
Runnin' With the Devil
When It's Love
Dancing in the Street
Not Enough
Feels So Good
Right Now
Everybody Wants Some!!
Dance the Night Away
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love (Live-- w/Hagar)
Panama (Live-- w/Hagar)
Jump (Live-- w/Hagar)


Hey, that was pretty easy. Don't know what took me so long.

Okay, I can't cheat on my own "challenge". While Best of Both Worlds is about as complete as one can expect, there are some missing tracks that someone who may want to dig a little deeper into the band should check out. Let's call it a "bonus disc".

For the record, I'm referring to C.J. Chilvers' book The Van Halen Encyclopedia for some of my more obscure observations (I'll note when I use the book).

The tracks would be:

1. "Bottoms Up!", Van Halen II. Just a fun song; sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

2. "Take Your Whiskey Home", Women and Children First. Good acoustic intro by Edward and then into the full electric band.

3. "Could This Be Magic?", Women and Children First. One of my favorite Roth-era songs. Just a fun, playful tune I relate to quite a bit. Chilvers' notes: this song is the first time Edward used slide guitar on an album, Roth accompanied him with an acoustic guitar, and Nicolette Larson returned the favor of Ed performing on her 1978 album by providing backup vocals-- the first (and one of very few) guest performer on a Van Halen album.

4. "Mean Street", Fair Warning. A great intro by Edward that falls into a killer riff. A pretty dark song for the band at the time.

5. "Where Have All the Good Times Gone?", Diver Down. I just like the tone of this Kinks cover-- and it was short enough that it just fit in the 80 minutes I had.

6. "Top Jimmy"; 1984. Another great intro by Ed and then the band just keeps it going. Chilvers notes that the song was recorded with a Ripley Stereo guitar, only the fourth in existence at the time. Ed never said what tuning it's in; he just tuned the guitar to the melody in his head. Another note is the song is named after a real Top Jimmy who used to play the clubs in L.A. and then gave out free tacos to homeless people after his shows (he worked at Top's Tacos before he took up music).

7. "Good Enough," 5150. Nice, "crunchy" guitars by Edward, and, like I said, it's got special meaning for me.

8. "Summer Nights", 5150. A great song that means nothing more than having fun in the summer. Like many of Hagar's early "fun" tracks, you can just picture hanging out with friends in the woods or a beach and partying to this song. It's also the first song the new (at the time) band (Sammy, Edward, Alex, and Mike) jammed to and wrote.

9. "The Dream is Over", For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge. Just like the tune and the chorus.

10. "Don't Tell me (What Love Can Do)", Balance. Ed had a fantastic tone to this song. I'm actually surprised it didn't make Best of Both Worlds. Chilvers notes Sammy wrote it with Kurt Cobain's death in mind.

11. "Humans Being", Best Of Volume I. This song switches back and forth with "Dreams" as my favorite Van Halen song. Edward went all-out with this one; I believe this song marked a turning-point in his playing that led to his work on Van Halen 3. Sadly, this was the song that pretty much shattered the already fractured relationship between Edward and Sammy. Not long after it was released, we found out that Hagar left the band/got booted (depends on who tells the story). Sammy didn't want to write any songs for a Best Of album or a movie soundtrack (the song is featured in the movie Twister), so this was a contentious song to say the least. But it rocks hard, so it has to be here.

12. "Can't Get This Stuff No More", Best Of Volume I. A "grown-up" Roth song recorded for the album after Hagar was out of the band that still has the feel of a Roth-era tune. Chilvers notes it's the first (and only) time Edward used a Talk Box; it had to actually be run by his guitar tech because Ed's mouth wasn't big enough to run it himself.

13. "Me Wise Magic", Best Of Volume I. A continuation of Edward's progression after "Humans Being". This time, Roth gets to sing with the inspired guitars in the first of his "reunion" songs featured on the albums. Very mean riff during the verses by Edward is a classic.

14. "Without You", Van Halen 3. Probably the biggest crime of Best of Both Worlds is this (or any VH3 songs) is missing from the album. Some of Edward's best inventiveness since the early '80s was featured on this record that is too easily forgotten by fans and the band itself. Anyway, this is the first song we got to hear from the Cherone-era, and I thought it rocked; it's nearly perfect from beginning to end. Chilvers notes Edward wrote the lyrics and also used a quarter instead of a pick on the guitar.

15. Fire in the Hole, Van Halen 3. Edward's opening riff sounds like a helicopter and is pretty impressive. It's another song that just rocks.

Bonus track: 16. Mine All Mine (Live), Live: Jump ep. I like the original, but this live version just cooks (which is unusual for me-- I tend to favor the original versions of most songs over the live versions). I also like Sammy's intro: "When it reallys comes down... all you have is you. You are number one. Each person is number one to himself." Chilvers also notes the song is an anti-drug one (which may or may not be true as Hagar has not been shy about the fact that he likes to smoke the bud).

Bonus track: 17. Crossing Over, Balance (Japanese version) or the B-Side of "Can't Stop Lovin' You". Right below "Dreams" and "Humans Being" as my favorite Van Halen song. I love the sound. It's a pretty powerful for song me; I actually "wrote"-- in my head-- a comic book story using the song as inspiration. Chilvers notes that Edward wrote and recorded part of the song in 1983 after the suicide of a friend and revived the song after long-time manager Ed Leffler died in 1994. Edward also plays parts of the drums and sings parts of the vocals on the track on the left channel and Sammy's vocals and Alex's drums are on the right track.


Okay. That was a lot tougher than I thought it would be. I forgot how hard putting together these "mix tapes" can be (I used to do tons to listen to while driving back in high school). And I had it pretty easy because the vast majority of "must include" songs were already included on Best of Both Worlds. Maybe I'll have to do a bare-bones Van Halen Best Of that fits on a single CD in the future as a bit of masochistic torture...

And I'm not done. Part of my homework was also to compile a Best of Edward (an "Essential Eddie" if you will) CD, and I'll be posting that one in (probably) a few weeks. (I still have his "guest appearance" stuff to sort out). That one will, for sure, be at least 2 discs-- the guy is freakin' amazing.

Premieres and Notables July 16-22

Monday, 7/16

Today we have some great examples of "cart before the horse" celeb shows. Are they airing because we give a crap-- or do we give a crap because they're airing? I'd recommend not giving a crap at all, and maybe they'll disappear.

Chelsea Lately; E!. 10:30 pm CST. Series Premiere.
Just what we needed-- yet another show that focuses on celebrity tabloid journalism. This one is a little different because the host, the star of Girls Behaving Badly, Chelsea Handler, is not a "big fan" of the more ridiculous "stars" out there. Could be interesting, but also could just be a show where everyone is attacked. It airing on E! leads me to believe it'll be the latter.

Victoria Beckham:Coming to America; NBC. 7 pm. Special.
I've got nothing against Becks and Posh, but I am starting to get the feeling that they're being shoved down our throats.

Beach Patrol; Court TV. 7 pm. Season Premiere.
This Cops-on-the-beach show sounds terribly interesting.
Okay, it doesn't...


Tuesday, 7/17

Just For Laughs; ABC. 7 pm. Series Premiere.
Candid Camera-ish show imported from Canada.

It's Not Easy Being Green; Sundance. 8 pm CST. Series Premiere.
British suburbanites move into a dilapidated farmhouse and try to "live green".

The Bill Engvall Show; TBS. 8 pm. Series Premiere.
On one hand, we have Nancy Travis, who I just love. On the other, we have Bill Engvall, just one of the Blue Collar guys who has overstayed his welcome.

Without Prejudice; GSN. 8 pm. Series Premiere.
Five contestants fight for $25,000 with the help of a panel of strangers who rely on first impressions and prying questions to determine who gets the cash.


Wednesday, 7/18

America's Next Producer; TV Guide. 7 pm. Series Premiere.
One more reality-contest show; this time the winner gets a shot at creating the next TV hit. I don't have high hopes for it, but I like TV Guide critic Matt Roush, who is one of the judges, so I'll watch.

Really Big Things; Discovery. 7 pm. Season Premiere.
The second season of the show that looks at big things begins.

Back to the Grind; TV Land. 9:30 pm. Series Premiere.
Classic TV stars get opportunities to do the actual jobs of the characters they're most famous for. In the pilot, Loni Anderson works as a radio-station receptionist and Erik Estrada rides with the Highway Patrol.
Is this officially the bottom of the barrel?


Thursday, 7/19

Mad Men; AMC. 9 pm. Series Premiere.
A look at the politically-incorrect behind-the-scenes world of 1960s advertising. I think I read somewhere that it's something like 8-9 episodes, so it's not a big commitment.
Every critic I've read says this is must-see TV-- one of the summer's best (I know: not much competition there)-- so I'll say it too: highly recommended.


Friday, 7/20

Set For Life; ABC. 7 pm. Series Premiere.
Jimmy Kimmel hosts this game show where the winner gets monthly checks for the rest of his or her life.


Saturday, 7/21

Beckham-mania continues on ESPN, where they air a special (David Beckham: New Beginnings) at 6:30 that recaps his playing this year so far before it airs an exhibition game between his L.A. Galaxy and England's elite Chelsea team at 7:30.
Much like the question about trees falling the woods: if David Beckham scores a goal in a soccer game in America, does anyone give a shit? I'm not dissing the guy, but I think he's got a little too much pressure on him to "save" the sport in America.

Hex (BBC America, 8 pm) has its series finale.


Sunday, 7/22

The Kill Point; Spike. 8 pm. Series Premiere.
John Leguizamo stars as a criminal who leads a bank heist, and Donnie Wahlberg is the hostage negotiator who has to diffuse the situation. Doesn't sound great, but Wahlberg has made me a fan since Boomtown, so I have to check it out).

Shopping With Chefs; Fine Living. 7 pm. Series Premiere.
Chefs reveal shopping tips to help stock your kitchen with the best ingredients/materials.

Design Star; HGTV. 9 pm. Season Premiere.
Season 2 begins.

And, on Entourage (HBO, 9 pm), Walsh has to try to patch things up with "Suit" (that'd be Eric, or just "E"). I expect that won't go down well.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Pay Your Debts

I know; I'm sorry-- not much original stuff lately. I'm actually doing my Best Of homework and getting ever-closer to publishing it.

In the meantime, though, I figure I could at least entertain you. Here's a joke from my friend Allan that had me rolling on the floor:


Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who happened to also be the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch. The King quickly summoned Nick. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King, laughed as he told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.

The moral of the story....... Be sure to pay all your bills.


Thursday, July 12, 2007

Two Lines That Say So Much

I must be in one of those moods. Here's the content of an e-mail "joke" my friend Becky sent me.


The following are entries to a contest by The Washington Post, in which respondents had to write a two-line romantic poem...except that the last line had to be as un-romantic as the first line was romantic.

1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife;
Marrying you screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you because I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other
that is, until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you ~
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go to hell."

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

My Favorite Things-- Bumper Sticker

Here's a scan of a great bumper sticker I had to buy. It's not quite as relevant now as it was when I bought it two years ago, but I figure The Evil Empire (Darths Bush, Cheney, and Rove Sidious) can still go down swingin' in the next eighteen months, and I'll have to break it out again:


My Favorite Things-- Whack Ads

On my vacation last year, I found this great book by Ed Polish and Darren Wotz called You Say I'm Bitch Like It's a Bad Thing which takes advertising images from the '40s, '50s and '60s and adds sassy captions. Here are some scans of pages. I laugh my ass off every time I look at this thing.

These images were not reproduced with permission, but maybe I'll avoid trouble if I add a link to Amazon you can use to buy your own copy right here.

Until then, enjoy this brief glimpse [Note: naughty language ahead]:









































And my all-time favorite; the one I liked so much, I had to buy the magnet (I don't have anywhere to put it, but at least I know I own it):















Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Time to Man Up

Kenny Mayne gives it to guy who uses a cuddle toy club cover.

Mayne Event:Jerry Rice Plays Flag Football

I dig Kenny Mayne's pieces. This one is great. "It's Jerry Time!"

Funny or Die

You may remember a while back when I directed you all to probably the funniest video I've found online, featuring Will Ferrell and his landlord. If you don't remember it, check it out here.

Well, they've done it again. This time, Ferrell is brought into the police station to sign a confession. There IS some bad news at the end of this vid, but just try to remember what has already been shared with us and then savor it a little more.

This doesn't feature Ferrell or Pearl, but is pretty funny-- but a little raw.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Critics Have Spoken

Here are some links to the Summer 2007 Critics poll announced a few days ago. I'll make a link for each page of results and the "recap" write-up from tvweek.com, but if you don't want to come back for each one, there are links on the tvweek.com page you can use instead.

Series Poll
Best Series write-up
Worst Series write-up

Mini-series and Specials Poll
Mini-series and Special write-up

As an added bonus, here's what critics thought of some of the
Fall pilots.

FOX Fall Premiere Sked

TVguide.com posted the premiere schedule for FOX. I can't believe I have another two and a half months before Prison Break returns.

FOX Premiere Schedule

Disaster Averted

I was on vacation for a week and came back to find out the DVR had some problems and needed to be replaced. So I lost everything: John in Cincinnati and Flight of the Conchords episodes and the premiere of Big Brother and Part 1 of the "Nature" episode of Moral Orel. I won't even go into the loss of the one Star Trek: Enterprise episode I don't have on tape and waited five months to rerecord (I was hoping to rig up something to get the DVR to record to the VCR).

Not the worst thing to happen in the world, but disappointing.

But there is a little bright spot as I could catch the missed Big Brother and Moral Orel episodes on the Internet. And while I was there, I found some cool Moral Orel video links on the [adult swim] website:


First is when Orel saves his urine because God hates waste, and has to tell Doughy "I'm not drinking lemonade."

Next is Clay teaching Orel what it means to be grown up.

And what happens when Orel realizes God in him.

Orel spreads the Gospel lesson of turning the other cheek

And one of my favorite lines of all time is what Orel says after Principal Fakey asks him if he knows what happens to little boys who masturbate.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Premieres and Notables, July 9-15, 2007

I'm on vacation until the middle of next week, so I thought I better post this early in case I don't get the chance to later.


Monday, 7/9

Spielberg on Spielberg; TCM. 7 pm CST. Special.
A documentary that allows Steven Spielberg to discuss his films. TCM is probably in the top five networks for such a doc, so check it out.

Hell Date; BET. 6:30 pm. Series premiere.
A fake dating show that sets unsuspecting singles up with actors who go out of their way to make for bad dates. Sounds classy.

Take the Cake; BET. 10 pm. Series premiere.
An interactive game show where viewers can win via phone, texting, or the internet.

Greek, ABC Family. 8 pm. Series Premiere.
A comedy looking at college fraternities.

The Bronx is Burning; ESPN. 9 pm. Mini-Series.
ESPN isn't known for its scripted programming, but the few times it attempts it, it usually gets it right. I've heard high-praise for this 8-part mini-series that focuses on the summer of 1977 when the Yankees pursued the Title while the Son of Sam killer was on the loose.


Tuesday, 7/10

Tru Calling; Sci Fi. 6 pm & 7 pm. Series Repeats.
One of the hidden gems of recent years was this show starring Eliza Dushku as a morgue attendant who can go back through time to try to avert the deaths of the corpses who speak to her. Toward the end of the first season, her opposite number turns up, and things really start picking up. Sci Fi is now airing its two seasons starting tonight. Highly recommended.

Singing Bee; NBC. 8:30 pm. Series Premiere.
Joey Fatone hosts this game show where people try to recall the lyrics of songs. Who wants to take bets that this lasts longer than six weeks?

Build it Bigger; Discovery. 9 pm. Series Premiere.
A look at how big things get assembled. The first ep shows us how a roller coaster gets put together.

Baldwin Hills; BET. 9 pm. Series Premiere.
Yet another look at privileged kids in the L.A. area. This time, though, it's through the eyes of African-American youth.

Eureka; SciFi. 8 pm. Season premiere.
The second season of this quirky show begins. As with many, I haven't watched it yet, but I have the whole series thus far on tape. I've only heard good things about it. Check it out.

Into Alaska With Jeff Corwin; Travel. 8 pm. Series Premiere.
I'm not an outdoorsy person, but it's undeniable that this state is majestic and beautiful. I hope I can see it before I die (or before Dubya gets his oil-soaked paws on it). Wildlife biologist and conservationist Jeff Corwin is the perfect host for this travel show.

And if anyone is still watching Pirate Master (my last ep was last week), it's moving to Tuesdays starting this week and airing at 9 pm now.


Wednesday, 7/11

TV Land Confidential; TV Land. 9 & 9:30 pm. Season premiere.
Season two begins with a look at TV oddballs and then takes a look at behind the scenes of favorite movies.

Cash Cab; Discovery. 9 pm. Season Premiere.
Season three of the game show in a taxi series.

Super Bikes!; Speed. 7 pm. Season Premiere.
I guess it's a show about motorbikes and the people who ride them.

Don't Forget the Lyrics!; FOX. 8:30. Series Premiere.
See what I wrote on Tuesday about Singing Bee yesterday and replace Joey Fatone with Wayne Brady. It really is the same concept. Leave it up to FOX and NBC to get into a pissing match over a crap concept (remember a few years back when they had competing boxing series' s?).


Thursday, 7/12

General Hospital: Night Shift; SoapNet. 10 pm. Series Premiere.
For the net's first original scripted series, they made a spin-off about what happens to the hospital when the mother series' docs go home. It's got Billy Dee Williams.

This is taking way too long. Here are the premieres, pellet-style:
Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares; BBC America. 7 pm. Season 3 premiere.
First 48; A&E. 8 pm. 5th Season premiere.
Kansas City Swat; A&E. 9 pm. Season 2 Premiere.
Fine Tuned; Speed. 8 pm. Series Prem. Auto makeovers.
Hard Shine; TLC. 9 pm. Series. Prem. Competition for job with hod-rod fabricator.


Friday, 7/13

Monk; USA. 8 pm. Season Premiere.
The sixth season opens with Sarah Silverman guest-starring as a fan of the OD PI.

Psych; USA. 9 pm. Season Premiere.
The second season of this show has guest-stars as well: Tim Curry and Gina Gershon.

A Model Life With Petra Nemcova; TLC. 9 pm. Series Premiere.
Just in case you were ever wondering what it takes to be a model and have missed the dozens of shows just like it that have aired the past few years.

And if you missed Jericho last season, CBS is airing Return to Jericho (7 pm), recapping the first 11 eps, before it begins repeating the back-half of the season (8 pm) the rest of the summer.


Saturday, 7/14

Simply Delicioso; Food Network. 10:30 am. Series premiere.
Ingrid Hoffmann shows us how to prepare Latino dishes. We had a Mexican-food party this past weekend at our house, and let me tell you, the food is AWESOME when prepared fresh. I think this show can open up a whole new world for me.


Sunday, 7/15

Side Order of Life; Lifetime. 7 pm. Series Premiere.
This dramedy follows a young photographer who questions her life (on the eve of her wedding) when her friend gets cancer. Jason Priestly (who hasn't had good luck with shows since 90210) also stars.

Scott Baio is 45... And Single; VH1. 9:30. Series Premiere.
VH1 is on my banned network lists (for airing such horse-crap shows), but this one I just couldn't go without mentioning. Apparently, Baio has been a serial bed-hopper, and now he wants to atone for his man-whore ways by apologizing to "all the girls he's loved before"-- and he brings the cameras along as he does it. I guess the Charles in Charge money has run out...

A Side Note to Celebrate Year 231

Hope everyone had a great 4th. I've spent the majority of my driving hours the past two months listening to Revolutionary War audio books, and I've learned a ton about what went on during the close of the Eighteenth Century.

We should keep in mind just how special this country is because many, many things could have gone the other way, and we could easily still be a colony of another nation. I really don't think people realize that fact anymore-- the revolution should have failed considering everything that was against those people. A (relatively) small group of men (and the women in their lives sacrificed in their own ways as well) went up against the greatest and most powerful nation that had ever existed up until that time and broke themselves away. For the first time in history, a colony successfully won its independence from its mother country without having a monarch take charge.

Even after the war was won, Europe figured we'd be back as a colony soon enough. It never happened, but it very easily could have. Some luck, some help (notably from France and The Netherlands), and the skill of a handful of men-- none of whom were "politicians" when they started-- who believed in what they had won and gave their entire beings to keeping it are all that kept this experiment from being a failure.

No matter what you think of our government now (I'm certainly not impressed), it's the country as well as the ideals that we need to remember are what makes us special.

I think we forget that, especially as we lose more and more people who were alive during the Forties (the last generation who really had to remember what we're about). Let's not forget anymore, and let's not let a major calamity be the reason we have to remember again.

Monday, July 02, 2007

EMMY Preview

TV Guide's Matt Roush commented on TheEnvelope.com's reporting of what could be the final ten for the best drama and best comedy categories.

I agree with Matt about 90% of the time, so I found the post interesting.

Check it out here.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Keanu's Sausage

ROBOT CHICKEN hi-jinks posted by Choule.

In Case You Can't Catch the Movie...

Check out this ROBOT CHICKEN clip (posted by sabinaelrod). Love the reaction by Optimus when he gets a prostate exam...

Premieres and Notables July 2-8, 2007

I see Creature Comforts is listed in TV Guide (obviously printed before it was cancelled), so I'll say "Boo, CBS! You suck!" just one more time-- especially after I watched the third and final episode a few nights ago. Pure genius. Catch it if it makes it to DVD.


Wednesday, 7/4

FOX burns off the last two episodes of Drive (7 & 8 pm CST) that were in the can.

And a Holiday tradition with basic cable: marathons!
Monk; USA. 22 hours of the show, beginning at 5 am.
Law & Order; TNT. 15 hours beginning at 7 am.
King of the Hill; FX. 12 hours at 11 am.
Married With Children; FX. 4 hours at 7 am.
The Twilight Zone; Sci Fi. 21 hours at 7 am.

And AMC and TMC are having patriotic-themed movies throughout the day.


Thursday, 7/5

Ultimate NASCAR; ESPN. 8 pm CST. Series Premiere.
I don't know anything about it. Maybe my friend, Brian, will put something on his blog since I'm a dick and just called him out on it: http://dahlyvh.blogspot.com/

Big Brother; CBS. 7 pm. Season Premiere.
I have a confession: this show is my guilty pleasure. I know: I extol the virtues of watching good TV, and I watch this show that no "TV-learned" person will say has any merit. But I like it. If it was on in the Fall, I probably wouldn't see it, but there's just so much crap in the summer, that I actually look forward to it. And who doesn't love The Chen-Bot?

Anyway, more stuff to come, but first, let's check out these videos:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=KDo7-4HbE80

http://youtube.com/watch?v=zkGsY4gVE2w


Friday, 7/6

Doctor Who; Sci Fi. 7 & 8:30 pm. Season Premiere.
The Doctor is back-- this time without fan-favorite sidekick Rose. But in the second episode, he gains a new partner, so he shouldn't be lonely for long.


Saturday, 7/7

Assume the Position 201 With Mr. Wuhl; HBO. 9 pm. Special
The sequel to Wuhl's profane, funny, and very informative special last year about American History that focuses on the effect pop culture has on it. Highly recommended.

Avenging Angel; Hallmark. 8 pm. Movie.
Normally I wouldn't add a made-for-TV movie unless it was the absolute highest caliber. But I like Kevin Sorbo, so I'm going to mention the Western movie he stars in as a preacher-turned-bounty hunter.


Sunday, 7/8

American Body Shop; Comedy Central. 9:30 pm. Series Premiere.
Yet another mock-reality show from this network which seems to just like throwing shit at a wall to see if it sticks. I used to check out every new series this network made, but they've had so many misses lately (aside from The Sarah Silverman Program), I'm gonna pass on this one.

Speedology; National Geographic. 8 pm. Series Premiere.
A look at things done quickly. The pilot looks at speed eaters and what it does to a body to shovel in hot dogs and chicken wings at the rate they do.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

My Favorite Things-- EXTRAS and Trick Pens

One of my favorite scenes from EXTRAS (courtesy of ExtrasSEries2).

"It's like a Picadilly Circus in here."

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Star Trek Cribs - The Director's Cut

G4TV's commerical is awesome... Simply awesome.

Hook, Line, and Sinker

alexlloyd69 posted this clip, featuring one of Tim's best pranks, where Gareth falls for it hook, line, and-- well, you know the rest...

Keith's Appraisal

Yet another U.K. OFFICE clip from vanillabuzz. Keith absolutely rules. And this clip also gives a great example of why Ricky Gervais is such a master of comedy: three simples words "Always the same."

Gareth Is On the Case

What if Gareth had become a cop instead of an Assistant (to the) Regional Manager? One shudders to imagine...

Gareth Explains His Manliness

Another great OFFICE (U.K.) bit; this time courtesy of vanillabuzz.

One word: clueless.

The Office - Stapler Banter

One of my favorite bits from the U.K. OFFICE courtesy of wdb81. "It's got YOUR name on it."

Elevator Guy from 'The Loop'

I couldn't find the bit about half a yardstick (still rules), but "theguyotc" posted this bit that includes the line "power against power".

ABC Longs To Be Hero, Too-- Rescues Show

First NBC renewed Friday Night Lights when it could have (by rights) let it go (props to The Peacock).

Then CBS brings Jericho back from the dead (nice move by The Eye).

ABC felt left out, so they, too, revived a show that was expected to be dead when it wasn't mentioned at upfronts. They elected to bring back According to Jim. They even did CBS one better by giving the show an eighteen episode commitment (Jericho just got seven).

Hmmm. You know, ABC, if you wanted to make a statement, you could have brought back Brothers and Sisters or SportsNight (Sorkin's not real busy now)...

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

My Favorite Things-- THE LOOP

I hope to do a little feature from time to time that just, simply, explains something I find just funny or helpful or whatever. No real rhyme or reason. Here's the first:



Last Sunday, I was watching The Loop (which has become one of my two favorite shows airing new episodes this summer), and one of the characters said one of the most crass, but funny things I've heard in a long time.



Our "hero", Sam, gets bugged by Derek about every episode. They nearly always meet in the elevator, and Derek gives Sam a hard time by bragging about his own sexual accomplishments using very unsubtle metaphors while they wait for the elevator to take them to the right floor. One from Sunday just stuck with me. I'm going to paraphrase here because after I laughed at the crass part, I missed some of the rest:



"Where was I last night? You could guess I was half a yardstick in some Brazilian model..."



"Half a yardstick..." Three words that say so much...

Rabid Wolverine



Well, I intended on doing some funny bits tonight, but as I flipped on the VCR that had recorded The 4400 last night, I saw that WWE Raw was doing a tribute show. And my heart sank. I stopped watching pro wrestling about 18 months ago, but I still feel an affinity and admiration for many of the performers-- a large number of whom unfortunately have short lifespans.

Monday, Chris Benoit and his wife and young son were found dead in their home.

It's pretty early to tell what exactly happened, but from what I gathered from doing a little research on the Web, police are looking at the scene as a double-murder/suicide. Autopsies are supposed to be performed Tuesday, but police have stated that guns were not involved and there was no indication of stabbing, either.

I'm sure in the next few weeks, the truth will be known and people will have various opinions on the events leading up to the deaths, but I wanted to take just a little time to honor the man dubbed "The Crippler" and "The Rabid Wolverine".
To watch the guy in a match was to see someone who gave it all-- all the time-- as well as to see one of the greatest technicians of the "sport", ever. I used to read a lot of backstage stuff, and I can't remember a single person who had anything bad to say about the guy. "Dependable", "amazing", "professional", "calm", "respect" were just a few of the words used to describe him by anyone who talked about him.
His character never really struck a chord in me; I never really rooted for him. But I respected him. To watch a match he was in was to watch a master do his thing.
Pro wrestling gets laughed at by society at large for being fake, but I followed it enough to know that even though things are predetermined and matches are usually planned-out, these guys still take risks with their bodies. Being a pro wrestler takes an unbelievable amount of dedication. It is not an easy life. Jumping off the top rope onto another person hurts. Getting smacked by chair would do serious damage to someone in the "real world", but it still has to hurt like Hell in the ring. These professionals know how to take a hit-- but they still get hit. I'm sure Benoit wouldn't disagree with me since he had to have neck surgery a few years back to repair the damage he had done to him in his career.
For pro wrestling to lose someone like Benoit is a terrible blow. It's hard to compare him to people in other fields, but losing Benoit is to wrestling like losing Pacino in acting or Scorsese in directing. "Sports Entertainment" lost one of its greatest workers of all time Monday.
I don't even watch it anymore, but I will miss him.